I’m sorry!! Sorry!!

Posted by: redheadedstepchild77 on: January 20, 2009

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I’ve been a bad blogger. I know! But the holidays and I’m really getting into my busy season here at work. So real quick story:

I’ve finally discovered the phrase, that when uttered by my husband, well any husband really, sends chills down a wife’s spine:

“That seems easy enough, I bet we can do it ourselves.”

It started out innocently enough. The dogs needed a new dog house. After visiting several stores, we finally found what we were looking for at Lowes. While we were discussing our purchase and older couple was down the aisle looking at something. I said, “Hey! For $20, Lowe’s will assemble it for us!” And that’s when Chris uttered the infamous phrase. I swear to god, it came out in slow motion, like Charlie Brown’s teacher on quaalude. The older lady heard what Chris said and looked at me with complete and utter sympathy. As if I wear the last Jew on the train to Aushwitz. As we were leaving, Chris said, “And the best part is, its something that we can do together.” I always said that he was a smarmy bastard, and I’m pretty sure that the old lady was snickering at me.

The box was big. Huge actually. But since Chris still hasn’t fixed his car. We were forced to stuff the box in the back seat of my 2 door sport coupe. Chris and I rode the entire way back with our heads literally touching the windshield. That’s how tight is was. It was at that time that I told Chris that I thought that probably delivery was included with assembly.

Prior to assembly, I did a little research. Every review I said that they loved the doghouse, only to put the roof on outside, seeing as how its too big to go through a door. So the assembly begins. Chris asks me to take 1 side of the dog house and assemble it EXACTLY the way he did, which I obliged. Step by step, I would get Chris’ approval until I got a “good job,” and he signed off on my portion. We finally got all 4 sides up and were putting together the sides, when Chris discovered that the side that I had done, the side that he signed off on, was backwards (Keep in mind that I didn’t have the directions, I was taking them from Chris). Well, back to square one. From this point on, I was not allowed to assemble the doghouse. My sole role was to hand Chris the tools and other bits necessary.

Before Chris’ bathroom break, I told him about the roof, and he said, “Okay,” and went to go tinkle. Well Chris didn’t listen to me and started to put the roof on inside. I didn’t say a word. After all, I had informed him of what I learned and my job was only to hand him things. Well, finally an hour later, the dog house was done! We lift to take it outside and guess what? Yup. It didn’t fit through the door.

Long about this time, Chris started mumbling under his breath and took the roof off. Another 20 minutes later we were hauling everything outside.

While Chris mumbled things like, “I can’t believe I turned down that job offer.” I asked, “What job offer?” He replied, “In 2000, I had a job offer in New York City. I could have had a cat. Cats don’t need oversized $I(*$% cedar doghouses.”

Ahh yes, married life.